I'm feeling pretty tense right now. I have a few concerns regarding my MA application, my dad isn't well (and he loves to be a martyr for it) and this is all playing on my anxiety. I just wish I could talk to someone but... you know when you don't want to bother people?
Yes, I'm feeling a little... scared right now. Trapped, almost. My dad's issues come from having bad arthritis, depression, anxiety (guess it's genetic) and not having the right mental processes to deal with shit because my mum always handled them before. Dealing with him in a self-pitying state is pretty hard. I wish I could get away from it for a week or so but... where do I go? On holiday? Where? I'm not really a hot climate, sandy beaches place and I hate hotels, especially if you're alone. I don't have any friends to visit so, what to do?
Dealing with a father who you feel forced to bond with even though you have never really had much in common with him is hard. He annoys me to no end but I'm always worried about him because he's all I have left. If I lose my dad, I'm probably going to end up as some crazy cat lady who only leaves the house to go to work.
I want to get away but I feel like I am suffocating sometimes. I miss my mother but now this is more about wanting to be away from it all, try new things and yet have a comfortable setting to return to.
Basically, I've gone mad.